Sunday, August 26, 2007

Paul starts school in less than two weeks.

He is actually looking forward to it, although I suspect he still believes he will ride a big yellow bus (like his cousin does). I am terrified and the gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach just grows every day. Or is that the dread of the upcoming Primary Sacrament Presentation? (alas, I am primary Chorister.) Or maybe it's the dread of selling or renting out our townhouse. There are many competing dreads; sometimes it's hard to determine which one is making me sick.

Kindergarten. It means the end of my freedom. I can no longer just pack up the kids and go anywhere I please, any day I please. No, because Paul has to be at school. Not only that, but he has to be at school at EIGHT O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. We are a late-to-bed household. we are rarely awake at 8 in the morning (and that includes Daddy). I have been trying to practice going to bed earlier and getting everybody up by 7, but we haven't been very successful. Daniel and I are both guilty in this regard. it's hard to re-set the clocks we've been running on for most of our lives.

Kindergarten. It means I, control freak Mama, must let go of him and send him off to have complete strangers teach him. He has to mix with kids whose families I know nothing about. Yes, I am a TOTAL elitist snob. Do these kids care about education? Do their parents? Are they small-minded TV addicts? Worse, are they violent? All of my elementary school ghosts are coming back to haunt me. My experiences were mainly not good. I should really have gone to therapy about it all, but I'm incapable of asking for help, which ironically therapy probably would have helped me with. sigh.

I have a few small rays of hope. Paul was accepted to the 2-way Spanish Immersion program at a local charter school. Ninety percent of kindergarten is taught in Spanish. I am hoping that kids who get enrolled in this program have educationally enlightened parents - parents who care. I am hoping that parents who care have raised their kids in homes where TV is minimal and violence is discouraged, and maybe have even invested time in teaching their children. Dear heavens, I hope.

Less than two weeks. Less than two weeks.

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