Monday, January 12, 2009

Back to School

I start my chemistry class today. I don't even have my textbook. It feels weirdly disrespectful to my father to just go on with life like this. I was at a church breakfast on Saturday, just for the primary kids and their teachers, and of course people offered their condolences, or didn't know Dad had passed and then felt terrible for saying the wrong thing, or didn't say so much as boo to me. It turns out nobody can say or do the right thing just now, unless they've been through this and understand. I ditched church on Sunday because I couldn't bear the thought of people offering their condolences, and then I actually felt kind of irritated when somebody left me a message trying to get me to come to stake choir practice. Shouldn't the whole world know about my father? At least I am aware that I am irrational and impossible to please.

Oh, and we didn't get the Avocado House. I know it's insignificant compared to my other loss, but it's still an insult on top of injury. I hope the rest of 2009 improves, or I may have to look into liquor. ;)

5 comments:

Ken said...

All those cheesy movies we love teach us that life goes on. You'll be fine. Mourning is natural, and you need to go through all those stages, so you can come out stronger when you're done.
I know it's tough. Hang in there.

Lora and Carl said...

Carl is planning to come to the funeral. He is bringing Clay for company but alas, it was too hard to all make it. He has fond memories of your dad, but he's coming for you, of course. Funeral's are for those left here. I hope you feel your dad nearby. I haven't lost a parent, but I feel my grandparents all around me looking after me and my family daily. Sometimes, communication is even better "trans-veil"...(I made that word up..sorry) Hope you know what I mean! We love you and hope an even better dream home awaits you, if not, do what Carl and I do, and just hope that your eternal home is really cool with millions of wildflowers and fruits and vegetables. (That's my dream, too). (sigh)

Anonymous said...

You should have looked into liquor a long time ago. We could have been drinking buds!

You have been on my mind so much lately. Please call me if you need a chat, or let me know when you will be up this way again so we can visit. I am going to the funeral and I think my dad is coming as well. So many people loved your father in this community. He was a lucky man to have known such love.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do. And your mother especially is in my thoughts and prayers. I want to know that she is ok.

And I have been drinking a gallon of lemonade a day, and lemons are still coming out of my ears. Who knew I took so many?

Kimberly said...

Maybe the best tribute you can give your dad is to go on with your life. Hug your boys, love your husband, be as good to yourself as your dad would want you to be. Going on with your life is not the same thing as pretending he didn't die or that he wasn't alive.

I would have liked to be there for you at the funeral. I had Sabrina with me all weekend and felt it wouldn't be best to have her along.

Peace, closure, memories, confidence, answers, comfort, healing, strength, joy, clarity. I'm sending prayers for all these things for you and your family.

Jared said...

You're not alone.