Friday, January 14, 2011

@#%$&%$#!

What does it say about me that I really want to introduce all of my current statements with cursing?  I am a tired Mama.  I dropped out for this semester, it's an unnecessary class and I really have too many other irons in the fire just now.

This week I finally broke down and admitted that Paul needs the kind of help I just can't give him.  He saw a psychologist yesterday, after a particularly miserable day where he cried three times in class and his dear teacher finally asked me, "Have you considered that he might be ADD?"  The visit was actually encouraging.  She (the Dr.) thinks Paul's problem may be neurological and may stem from his prematurity (Some of you may not know that Paul was born 9 weeks early - it was awful, but Paul is awesome).  I've been wondering for a while if Paul's poor gross motor skills (can't ride a bike, can't hit a ball, etc.) might be a long-term effect from his birth, but I admit I had failed to tie the focus problem to that.  So we're waiting to see if our insurance company will approve further neurological testing.  Paul has really improved this year, but his difficulty in focusing on self-directed work is making him fall behind in school and is eating up our afternoons & evenings at home.

We're also searching for a physical discipline for the boys to pursue.  A non-aggressive martial art with an emphasis on self-control might be good.  We're also trying out a yoga class next week.  We'd love to get Paul & Dan a membership to a climbing gym, but the local one went out of business (damned recession) and the closest one now is 18 miles away and ridiculously expensive ($1200 a year for a family of three).  So $#@%.

7 comments:

sleepless said...

Good luck enduring your blessings !!! Don't take his challanges personally !!! You CAN deal with this !!

thefoxkids said...

I agree w/ the above.. be thankful your dealing with this now.. we did w/ our middle son just last year and guilt hit me that maybe we should have done something way sooner (he was turning 12) so you can do this!!! I felt LOTS of reassurance and confidence with the fact that we FINALLY had some answers!!! good luck w/ insurance it's a total pain BUT we have pretty awful insurance now and it covered a set number of sessions with a specialist.. I think your probably in a better situation that you actually need a neurologist! and YES with activity!!! our son is SO MUCH better when he is in a sport or has some kind of outlet.. (we nearly fell at the feet of the man who told us there was WINTER indoor FOOTBALL!) you are such a good mommy!!!
big hugs!!!

Kristy Lou said...

Noah has focusing problems too, so he has an aid for all his core subjects. Would that be something that might help Paul? And I had Noah's teacher reduce all his assignments, including homework. That helps with the after school time crunch since I also have to sit with Noah and help with ALL of his homework. If you ever have a question, or need someone to talk to, send an email my way. :)

Jessica said...

I'm still hoping to get Michaelson to try yoga. I've nudged him in that direction before, but I think I waited too long for the kids' classes (which he now thinks are for babies) and will now have to wait until he is old enough to think that sitting in a room full of teenage girls wearing spandex is a good idea.

Stephanie said...

I love you and I know you can do this. I agree that Paul is a wonderful kid. If he needs some kind of help to give him the tools to be able to succeed, I say go for it! Good luck finding all the answers - they will come and he (and you and your family) will be better off for it.

Kathryn said...

We've been in those shoes and we are going through them again with our youngest. I spent a long time beating myself up over not getting Katelyn help sooner than we did when we had her tested for speech delays. Then I beat myself up over it again when we took her to a psychologist for ADD and came away with the diagnosis that she was on the autism spectrum. I felt that we'd gotten her help sooner for speech that we'd have discovered the autism sooner. But I decided that enough was enough. It was what it was and the important thing was that we were seeking the help that we all needed to help her succeed. Life isn't easy but she is a great kid. And now we are seeing a psychologist to figure out how to handle our 5 yr old. Hang in there Colleen! Forget about the years you struggled and just know that you are doing the right thing by seeking help to help him and your family.

Kimba said...

I used to feel like ADHD was a truly fictional affliction made up by teachers to sort out naughty children from well behaved ones, and for parents to stroke their own egos to release themselves from the blame for raising really messed up kids without structure or discipline. Then, I had a child who had all the same symptoms, who was raised in a fairly structured atmosphere with three fairly structured adults and had to hear it from my mom, "You know, she might be ADHD"... blah blah blah. I resented it HUGELY... because I thought of it as a write-off, but then my daughter's pediatrician and school psych talked some sense into me. I researched it, and found that yeah-she was a classic case, and as my mom had long suspected, so am I. I pursued behavior supports for my daughter, but then resorted to what I promised myself I'd never resort to, and that was medication. Her Dr. explained to me that untreated, ADHD could actually cause her to seek out illegal drugs to self medicate the symptoms anyway. The meds helped for a while. They did have some side effects- specifically appetite related, but did their job. I switched insurance and we went for some time without the meds as a sort of trial to see if she could survive off of them (sometimes the behaviors get better during puberty). I'm ready to have her re-evaluated though, because she's just barely hanging in there academically.
I no longer have guilt about it. It is what it is. I wouldn't have guilt if she had sight problems, or a lisp. She got the short end of the attention stick, and her problem is real.

Point is, it is good that you're looking into having him evaluated, and I think it is smart that you're going the Neuro route to do so.